I think my fart just growled at me.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
