dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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