Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
