you traded sex for a burrito?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
