You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
