hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
