idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
