**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
