i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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