Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
FUCK WHALES
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
