i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
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Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize