This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
