He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
