You can't special order awesome
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
