She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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