1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
