my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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