People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
