It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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