i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just pee around me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
