I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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