ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
