I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I can text with my tongue
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
how drunk are you?
Several
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
