if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
