So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
