She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
