Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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