This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
