the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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