So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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