Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
