first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
