i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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