Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
