sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
