Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
