u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The air taste purple.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
