OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
