I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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