I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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