she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
