dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
