Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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