So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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