If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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