Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
