ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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