It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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