I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
