I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
