wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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