if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My vagina is very pro this idea
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
