In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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