from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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