I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
