The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
