Pappa wants mamma naked
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Someone signed my nipple.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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