Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
