dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
