His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
