I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
