You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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