oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
