the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
