her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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