the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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