Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
