Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
What changed your mind?
Being sober
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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