You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
