i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
