Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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