i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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